I don’t think I’ll ever make it

The truth is, I really want to make money. I walk down the street every day and see people with $100K cars, $500K houses, or even more. I’ve done some calculations and, even as a programmer in Eastern Europe, I’ll save around $400K after 30 years of work—basically my whole life. Working every day for something I don’t care about. I just can’t do it.

Fuck it.

I keep thinking about something I could do to make money, but I just can’t find a way. It’s so hard to do things right. You can’t compete with the big players. Even they don’t make that much money—maybe $1M per year—despite being the best in the world at blogging, for example.

How would I ever do something as big as that? How? I feel doomed. How can you compete with somebody who has years of experience?

Maybe I can just follow the road that was put in my head, and God (the universe, fate) will guide me. Maybe one day, after years of doing God’s work, I will succeed. Or maybe I won’t. Only the future will reveal it.

I have a feeling that tells me why I’m here on this earth. Because of my challenging upbringing—dealing with alcohol addiction, porn addiction, weed addiction, and video game addiction—I’m here to help people struggling with the same problems. I’m here to share my experience, and maybe I will help 5 people.

Maybe those 5 people will change their lives and will also change the world in a small way that will help another five people. Then there will be 25 people doing better. And so on.

It will grow exponentially.

It looks like we can help each other to be our best.

Michael Jordan, by being the best, will always be an inspiration to others—a motivation. That’s why he is paid and rich. Because he influences people in a good way. Money will just flow to you if you are putting something good into the world.

So, fuck money. I just want to post stuff like this. It makes me feel good, and that’s a good sign that I’ll stick to it and, in the end, achieve the financial success I want. Or maybe not. Maybe I will just have enough and be content with it.

Only God knows. (I’m not referring to the biblical God.)

I see God as this energy that makes us and the universe expand. This hardwired desire to survive, reproduce, feel good, and grow overall.